There's Always Room For More Comic Relief
by Poison's Touch
Summary: When do the characters just sit back and let you writ the fic?


Title: There's Always Room For More Comic Relief  
  
Author: Poison's Touch  
  
Disclaimer: Joss owns all  
  
Rating: R  
  
Warning: hmmm. m/m implied sex scenes, f/f implied sex scenes, death scene if you don't want Slutty the Vampire Layer to die: don't read this  
  
Spoilers: umm it's my own world but post Hush cause yeah Willow and Tara implied  
  
Pairing: lots read it and you will find out (hehe the pairings were half the fun)  
  
Summery: when do the characters ever sit back and let you write the fic?  
  
Note: I'm stuck, I don't know where to go with Roomies at the moment so give me some time, I just thought I'd write some more comic relief  
  
Feedback: I get the feeling this is a trick question  
  
***  
  
Willow walked down the street looking around her apprehensively.  
  
("Why can't I just walk down the street anxiously or fearfully?")  
  
["Because I like to use big words that no one knows how to pronounce, since I couldn't think of any I used apprehensively. Plus, there's a major evil out and you're alone; it's perfect for big word usage."]  
  
("Oh.")  
  
["Anyways, back to the fic."]  
  
("Okay, sure.")  
  
She can't help but feel like someone was watching her as she made her way to the Magic Box. With less then a block to go she picked up her pace and continued on. Suddenly, a figure in black reached out and grabbed her, pulling her into the dark alley.  
  
("Hey! How come I'm always the one that get kidnapped?")  
  
["Cause you're the "All Powerful Witch" and how else I'm supposed to get a guy to rescue you?"]  
  
("Oh. well, you've got a point.")  
  
["And it's a good one too. Just keep in mind that this fic is about you getting the guy so: *shhh*."]  
  
("I would nod but you can't see me so I'll just say yes in stead.")  
  
[~chuckling~]  
  
Meanwhile, at the Magic Box, tempers are high.  
  
("Why is that?")  
  
[~heavy sigh~ "You're the Watcher, you'd think you'd know why tempers are high."]  
  
("Well, no, you haven't told us why yet.")  
  
["Then why'd you ask?"]  
  
("So I would know and be able to take control of the situation.")  
  
[~major head shaking~]  
  
Buffy glared at Spike as he lit a cigarette and every once in a while she would glance at Riley who was, yet again, wearing one of those army issue turtlenecks.  
  
("In Sunnydale weather? Why the hell would I do that?")  
  
["Because you've got vamps biting you all the time and you don't want her to know about it."]  
  
("Oh.")  
  
["Sorry, Ri but you're not exactly one of my favorite characters."]  
  
("Oh. You don't have many, do you?")  
  
["I can't stand the Slayer or any of her boy toys."]  
  
("Oh.")  
  
Xander was insulting Spike, which caused the peroxide blond to tease and humiliate Xander all the more while Giles silently cleaned his glasses. First he used a hanky, then his shirt, and then he moved to his sweater, shortly there after he started to use his socks; having run out of suitable things to clean them with. Vaguely he realized that he was wearing khakis that are the soft kind but taking them off just to clean his glasses really didn't seem appropriate.  
  
Tara, Willow's blond orgasm friend that no one really liked but everyone tolerated because Willow was "dating" her sat in a corner and glanced between the clock and the door. She extrapolated that from the distance between the Magic Box and the dorms that the red head should have been back by now.  
  
("Why did she go on her own? Usually I would have walked her.")  
  
[~sighs~ "She left when it was still light out."]  
  
("Okay, that would explain why she was walking alone is the dark.")  
  
["Yes. It would and it did."]  
  
She had yet to mention it to the other Scooby's though because of her extreme embarrassment at the thought of having to open her mouth and speak.  
  
("You *really* don't like me, do you?")  
  
["No it's not you, it's just your relationship with Willow that I can't stand. Xander is the gay one, not Willow."]  
  
("Really? Who is Xander supposed to be with?")  
  
["Well, I think that he and Graham were supposed to be together but Graham's either dead or not in the country so Angel is a good start."]  
  
("Angel? You mean, Buffy's high school boyfriend? The guy that tried to kill everyone and the guy who Xander can't stand?")  
  
["Pretty much."]  
  
("I see where all this is coming from. From what Willow told me he does seem quite gay.")  
  
["Thank you, how come you're the only one who agrees with me?"]  
  
("She's not pet, I rightly agree with every word.")  
  
["It's a given that you hate him, Spike. I meant out of the Scooby's."]  
  
("I'm a Scooby?")  
  
["I hate to admit it but, yeah, you are, Tara."]  
  
Xander who was taking a break from insulting the Childe of the vamp of his dreams -  
  
("Hey! I do *not* dream about Dead Boy!")  
  
["You do *so*! You even call out in your sleep. You had to ensure Spike your lifetime's supply of blood and cigarettes just so he wouldn't say a word about the multiple dreams you had while he was living with you."]  
  
("How did you know about that?")  
  
["I'm the writer, therefore I know all."]  
  
Suddenly the door to the Magic Box flew open and his poufiness, the royal Peaches walked in and called out, "There was a vision about Willow, and I have come to be her dark savoir!"  
  
("Nice touch, pet.")  
  
["I thought so."]  
  
Spike jumped to his feet and gave a mock bow. "Sorry Peaches but Red's fine at the moment. She just went to go get some stuff for the research session. I think she brought the blond with her as well."  
  
"Uh, Spike?" Tara asked softly. "I'm still here. I'm cowering in the corner but I'm still here."  
  
"Oh. Sorry pet. Didn't mean nuthin' by it," Spike stated with his evil demon, sexy man grin.  
  
("Ooooh, like that one luv.")  
  
[~blushes~ "Course you do! It prob'ly enlarged your ego to at least three times its size."]  
  
(~chuckling~ "Got something you need to tell me luv?")  
  
["No."]  
  
Angel glared at the neutered, Big-Not-So-Bad.  
  
("Haha! You do love me!")  
  
["Nope, I just think Spike needs his ego shriveled. Well, I'll admit that you have a nice ass."]  
  
("Here, here!")  
  
("Who said that?")  
  
(".")  
  
"I'll have you know that I just saw Willow being dragged into a dark alley. In stead of tracking down the big evil that stole her away I thought I would come here and laugh in your faces for being such bad friends." Angel then walked over and kissed Xander firmly on the lips. "For luck," he whispered then left to go save the girl.  
  
[~snickers~ "Not that he'll get there before the Scooby's but he will run into some vamps along the way. Fighting follows but well I really don't want to write it all out so I thought I'd just let you know now."]  
  
("Okay.")  
  
[~pouts~]  
  
Xander walked out onto the sidewalk following Spike and immediately tripped and fell bringing the blond down with him. Buffy, who had been ahead of them, turned back, while still walking, and crashed into a metal lamppost. Riley started to giggle and soon started rolling over and clucking his sides as giggling turned into big manly laughing, which caused his sides to seize up and his chest to hurt. Giles stood in the door of the Magic Box shaking his head and seriously contemplating using his pants to clean his glasses. Through it all no one noticed that Tara had run into the window of the Magic Box having seen something shiny on the other side.  
  
("What's that about?")  
  
[~evil smile~ "You ruined my fun so I'll ruin yours. You're all bruised even before the fight starts. Ha!"]  
  
("So how are supposed to save Willow now and where's Anya?")  
  
["Um. dunno 'bout Anya but as for Willow, just brush yourselves off and follow Spike's nose. He's got that enhanced vamp smell and all that."]  
  
("Yeah, umm, pet I'm sorry to say this but I need sumthing to start out with. I can't just wander around until I find the right scent, would take too long.")  
  
[~impatient sigh~ "Tara is covered in our favorite little witch, they had a few orgasms before showing up for the Scooby meeting. I don't see how you can't tell from a mile away."]  
  
(~shrugs~ "Don't like the chit, try to avoid her as well as I can, I do.")  
  
("Hey!")  
  
And so the group headed off following Spike down the street and even continued to follow him when he made a sharp 180-degree turn back in the direction they had started in.  
  
["He he he. You suck!"]  
  
("Not anymore pet but it would be nice if you make it so that my chip is gone.")  
  
["Sorry, no can do."]  
  
("Well, I tried.")  
  
An hour later they stumble across a grassy clearing where Willow was strapped a large wooden -  
  
("Don't say it! Don't you bloody say it!")  
  
["He he he. Thanks for giving me an idea. I had no clue how to end that sentence until you interrupted."]  
  
("Ah, bloody sodden 'ell!")  
  
- crucifix. Her hair was tossed just so and her lips looked swollen and bruised as she had been thoroughly kissed. The red head herself was dressing in a shear white gown that pushed up her breasts - making them look double their size - and the gown had a slit on the left side that went all the way up to her hip. On the ground surrounding her was a maze of dishes that held candles floating on water - holy water. All in all it looked like a picture out of a sleazy romance novel.  
  
("Bloody 'ell! What're you trying to do - make us guys go into battle with ragging hard-ons!?!")  
  
[~immature giggling~ "Of course."]  
  
("You are truly evil, you know that don't you?")  
  
["I'm surprised you didn't notice it earlier, Slayer."]  
  
("Well I had my suspicions but I wasn't positive until now.")  
  
Slightly to the left of our lust inducing Scooby, an altar was set up and behind it stood a figure whose face was hidden in the dark recesses of their hood. The cloak that covered the figure's entire body was completely black except a single blood red tear drop over where its heart would if it were human.  
  
("Are you saying that 'the figure' is human?")  
  
[~shifty eyed~ "I didn't say that."]  
  
("But you're implying it.")  
  
["Shut up Slayer."]  
  
As if on cue Angel came stumbling out of the forest and stood next to Xander, panting. Xander, who was sporting quite the hard-on from Willow's lust inducing display, got glassy eyed at the sound that his vamp was making.  
  
(~incredulous~ "*His* vamp?")  
  
["Oh, give it a rest Peaches, you know you want him."]  
  
Suddenly the teen dragged the vamp into the shadows for a quicky and they are not seen again until very much later for Angel had some very interesting things he needed to show the teen that included leather and chains.  
  
("You've got to be the most bloody evil thing I've ever come across. Why the hell did we have to know that bit of information?")  
  
[~shrug~ "What!?! You like using chains with Angelus! You still fantasize!"]  
  
("Doesn't bloody mean that I need to know he's gunna use them with the whelp! Plus there's a difference between Angel and Angelus - one's insane.")  
  
["Well, so-rry! Would you like to write this fic or shall I continue?"]  
  
(~mutters~ "Bloody insane bitch.")  
  
["Thank you."]  
  
("Wasn't a compliment.")  
  
["So? I took it as one."]  
  
Spike, in an exaggerated show of manliness jumped over the altar and grabbed the figure by its cloak front slamming it against the nearest tree. Half a heartbeat later he's on the ground groaning -  
  
("And grunting and getting' it on. He must rid himself of that annoying hard-on before he can rid the word of this new evilness.")  
  
("Giles! What has gotten into you?")  
  
["For once I agree with the Slayer. What's with you Watcher?"]  
  
("It's been a while since I said anything. Thought I should bloody speak up.")  
  
("Yeah, well, talk all you want just leave my part out of it. git!")  
  
["I agree with Spike. Leave it for the shower."]  
  
- and holding a hand to his forehead. The hood of the cloak fell back and everyone gasped as. Ethan Rayne came into view.  
  
"Hello Ripper," the Englishman stated then promptly dragged his old high school buddy to the nearest shower he could find to show him the benefits of wet and slippery skin. Also, he decided that Ripper clearly needed to be taught the merits of deep throating.  
  
("Bloody hell! What next, the energizer bunny shows up and the Slayer runs off with it?")  
  
["Well, now that you've mentioned it."]  
  
(~loud growling~)  
  
["I'm kidding!"]  
  
Finally Spike stood up and gathered what was left of his dignity and pride and walked over to Willow. Without flinching once he untied the ropes that held her to the crucifix and carried her over to where Buffy and Riley stood. "I'm gunna take the witch home and make sure she's not bruised or broken. See yah in a few days."  
  
("Bloody fantastic. You go into detail about positions and sex scenes with everyone else but with me all I get is undertones!?!")  
  
["Spike. days?"]  
  
("Oh. well then, I'll be seein' yah 'round, pet.")  
  
(~giggling~ "Thanks, this is the most fun I've had being the kidnapped in ages!")  
  
["Have fun! And now for the finish."]  
  
("I really don't like her tone of voice.")  
  
("Neither do I.")  
  
Riley turned to his Slayer and sighed. "Buffy, I've been paying vamps to eat me."  
  
"Oh, that's okay, I don't mind. I never do it cause you know, you're kinda nasty down there. I'm glad that someone is doing it for you," the bottle blond stated in an upbeat cheerleader voice.  
  
("Hey!")  
  
["Shut up!"]  
  
"Not that kind of eating you dumb ass!"  
  
Buffy frowned and then the truth dawned on her.  
  
("That's gotta sting.")  
  
["Spike I thought you and Willow.?"]  
  
("Oh, I convinced Red to let me watch the end scene.")  
  
["Oh, well, if it's okay with Willow that you're here."]  
  
("I have one question thought. What happened to the blond witch?")  
  
["Umm. I hadn't thought of that. I think she got killed by a vamp cause she was too embarrassed to scream for help."]  
  
("Really? That's fan-bloody-tastic!")  
  
[~grin~]  
  
"You pay vamps to drink your blood?"  
  
Riley sighed. "Yes Buffy. I'm sorry but I have to do this." With that, he pulled out Faith's old dagger, which still had dry blood on it, plunged it into her belly and watched her bleed.  
  
("You're a piece of work, pet.")  
  
[~blushes~ "Yah think?"]  
  
(~nods~ "Don't think I could have done better myself. Well, sum torture would have been good but this. this was perfect.")  
  
["Wow Spike compliments. I'm dreaming aren't I?"]  
  
("You're a writer, pet, whatever you say goes, remember?")  
  
["Yeah. Cool. Have fun with Will, Spike."]  
  
Riley grinned it was a fitting end for Slutty the Vampire Layer 


End file.
